I just put them all together for your amusement. And )second 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. (Hang up. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. The two lads objected strongly. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Read more. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . He needed COVER! What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. I was the cook.. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Me: No, I dont. 4. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! USN: Helos An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. The Lasting Supper Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Return to Humor Index. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Caller: Do you have his right number? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Ive been sandblasted.. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. You divertyour course! They throw out a pistol. Why were the Marines invented? 2. Marine: Wait, stop. I dont see it.. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? 38. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 66. Learn from the mistakes of others. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! (Hang up. Semper Pie Ocean Pearl, I answered. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. ! Again, no reply. Caller: Is Sgt. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. . Altitude is life insurance. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. 37. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. 32. Eternal Piece . The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. 13:30 comes and goes. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. 1. 42. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Takeoffs are optional. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Flight Announcements 4. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Theres a post recall and he went to work. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Military jokes! Fish Food. Yes, said the lieutenant. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? More information More like this Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. 13. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? If you cant pick it up, paint it. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: It was sheer brilliance. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Aircraft Engineers 1. What would As A.J. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Anecdotes 1. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. A friend paid my mother a visit. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 45. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Speed is life. The Army will post guards around the building. Do you have change for a dollar? The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Thats Daddy. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. 4. They cant seem to string three Ws together. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? USMC: OHH! I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Why? I asked. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. The c.i.a. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Unless you can be Batman. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Then one day I couldnt find it. But something struck me as odd. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Later, I spoke with Mom. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . They bagged six. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Aviation JOKES. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 12. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. 9. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Now he likes peanuts.. Rodrigues? We were inspecting several lots of grenades. 1. SUB sandwiches! Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . We have one or two in here! Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Even his son turned up. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Because the Army needed heroes too. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries.